Different just like Jesus

In the past couple of days, I have been guilty of being angry and insecure. Because of that, it has eaten my joy and peace. I realized that I have become selfish and was hardened by my selfish desires. It has caused me to fight others without even praying first. It was so ugly. It has been a week that I have been suffering hurts and pains. I have remembered the past that was done to me and sometimes, I could not believe that I was disrespected that way. Even worse, I believed the lies. I do wish I can turn back time and followed His leading. I really didn't know what to do. And now, here I am being attacked by this ugliness of insecurities and distrust that has built in my heart. It has caused me to waver in my faith and being complacent in my pursuit of the Lord. I became so weak and wretched. I wasted my time in tears instead of battling in prayer. I see it now. I see it now.

We sometimes get angry thinking we will get what we desire: healing from the past and apology from the person. But actually no. Being angry and mad makes things worse. It causes more sin and builds more damage in the hearts. God has taught me this before but He continues to teach me this as I battle this life, as I struggle to mortify my flesh, as I battle in the spiritual world.

Today, I humble myself and lay all my hurts down in the feet of Jesus Christ, who redeemed me from the pit. I no longer live there but I live in Him now. So no matter what pain has been caused me, I want to be different just like Jesus. I pray that by His grace, my heart will be healed and He will lead me to the place where He wants me to be, in His own and perfect way. Because He is my Lord, my Savior, my ALL in all. I go to the cross and He goes to His throne -- my heart. So that He will be glorified in all things, always.

"Watch and pray lest you be tempted." Mark 14:38

"Therefore holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, FIX your thoughts on Jesus..." Hebrews 3:1

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12

Let us continue to pursue His word and Him alone and not ourselves...