His Faithfulness Alive: Dream Once Again

A big part of my life is gone. Such a loss broke my heart. My dreams were shattered. I was in tears for weeks and months. I knew I made the right decision to leave it behind for God. I knew I had to give it up. But why does it have to hurt so bad? Why does it have to linger for months and months? Can the pain just disappear and may I at least feel that I am happy I made that decision? Why do I have to hurt this much? I didn't ask those questions literally but most days I would cry out saying, "It is so hard, Lord!" Although it wasn't as hard as before, it was still hard. There were nights that I fear tomorrow. There were days when my heart was gripped with fear for what is going to happen.

BUT God...

God is faithful! His grace sustained me when I was at my weakest! Although I felt pain and fear, I never gave up. I never felt any regret! Then, God has brought people in my life to encourage me and  give me hope. God brought people into my life to stand by me in prayer without them knowing everything I was going through. God brought situations that brought me more to Him. People around me didn't even know what I was going through but they spoke to me in ways that really encouraged me. I knew that was God in them. I knew that this is for God and although it hurt so much, I didn't want God to take it out of my life. Rather, I wanted Him to take me through the journey of healing and restoration and getting out of it is not the way - as He taught. I remember one day I was in the train, I told God, "Lord, I wanted to go through this with You. I wanted to take this path until we reach the end of the tunnel." There is a light that glimmers at the end of the tunnel. and although it is far, we will get there some day. For now (then), I will travel this tunnel with Him. It wasn't easy but I tell you, it is WORTH it.

So daily, God showed His mercy. He showed His faithfulness through little things. He has brought so many things into my life including more opportunities to reach out to people. I will list them here:

1. By September, God gave me the opportunity to tutor Rose Anne, an eight year old girl who is having difficulty with school. I was hesitant at first and I was also scared. But in my mind, this will be a good opportunity to reach the family for Jesus Christ. But you know what? I am more blessed to be there! First, God has restored my gift of teaching. (That is another story.) Second, they feed me there a lot! Everytime I go there, they feed me with home-cooked food. God is restoring my health! They also give me a lot of food to take home. I am gaining weight! Third, He gave the heart and love for children. How I love them and how I daily see their preciousness and delight! It is beautiful. Fourth, I was blessed with a car to use. Her mom lend me the car so I can go to their house easily and leave anytime. I have a car now without having to pay for it and for its insurance. Then I get to practice driving. God is restoring my skill. Then I get to go to work during holidays and go to church even if I am alone. I can go to stores if I need to. Talking about God answering your needs that you don't even know about. Fourth, I get to build relationships with other children and other people. Fifth, they showered me with so much love, especially Rose Anne. Everytime I am with her, I forget everything I am going through. I am so loved. I am so blessed. This is only the beginning. The best is yet to come!

2. September was by the best month of my life before December came. Friendships were restored and new friendships came into my life. Friendships became so precious to me. Friendships became deeper and more meaningful. I treasure it more and more. I never knew how much I have missed in this life when I was squandering my life in bondage. I can say there is really so much more to life. We don't have to live in the dark. There is life! I met a lot of new people that really touched my life and I still keep in touch with them.

3. God brought me to places. I went to CEF - Explore Weekend in October for free. I met a dear sister in Christ. I treasure that too! That was a wonderful time of revelation and refreshment. I have seen God in there. That was just a start. Last month, God faithfully showed again. I registered for the classes with CEF. God is really moving. The money I got from tutoring (you see!) I used to pay for the registration and the books! I am very excited. God has given me more opportunities to reach the community with the Gospel. Tune in the next months!

4. Children's ministry. Yes. I will be serving with the Pre-k in Church. It is official now. Another blessing with having a car! How awesome!

5. Teaching. Teaching. Teaching. Teaching at work and teaching one-on-one. I now go to somebody to teach Microsoft Office. I can practice my skill in teaching and save a little money. Praise God!

6. Entwined Hope. Two months ago, we started a new ministry. Story here
7. More of Jesus. A lot of revelations about Him and from Him. That in itself is trully splendid! No words could ever describe how much of a beauty it is to discover God and His ways...

And more... I have more to say! One day, God spoke:

"But forget all that—
      it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
"For I am about to do something new.
      See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?" Isaiah 43:18-19

Wow! I was wowed by His faithfulness. One day, I found my self dreaming again. That was very memorable. It was fresh and sweet! I dreamt again. Then I surrendered again to His hands.

He promised: "I will never leave you nor forsake." Hebrews 13:5 Yes, He will not. When you say "Yes" to God, He will show you more of Him, more of His power and more of His faithfulness. He will take you to places you have never been before. You will experience Him more. I am not saying that there will be no trials and pain. There will be. But despite all that, there is peace and joy when we look unto Him for everything. There is victory. There is assurance. There is HOPE. God is faithful.

I can say this by experience, He is alive. He is FAITHFUL. He is TRUSTWORTHY. He is POWERFUL.

Take Him by His word. When He says He will do it, He will. When He says He is that, HE IS! No shadows nor doubts. Take it as it is because HE IS WHO SAYS HE IS.

Praise God for healing and restoration. I dream once again...